April 2, 2001

That is a day 7 years ago that totally changed my life. It was the day that my mom called to tell me she had cancer. I was at work and she called to tell me she had lymphoma. I remember feeling as if a football player just tackled me and knocked out all my breath. She sounded so optimistic about it even though I just knew it was bad. It turned out to be lung cancer and less than 6 months later she was gone. I was 23. There isn't a day, a holiday, birthday, or big event that goes by that I don't think of her. It is something i know that i will NEVER recover from. The pain eases a bit but it never, EVER goes away. THis past year of not having her with me has been the toughest time i have had dealing with her death since those first few months right after she died. I know it is from having a baby myself and understanding what it is like to be a Mom and not having her here to ask questions or tell me stories about when I was little. Like, what tooth was my first to come in? what was the first real food i ate? waht were my favorites? i have so many questions! So much of mine and Kyle's history was lost when she died and the little we had left died with Granny last summer. My mom died way before I met Chris, Mason was only about 9 months old when she died so she doesn't even know that she has 4 grandsons! Adaire and I have said that she would have loved having 4 little grandsons to play in the yard with and plant flowers and get dirty. It just sucks. That's the only way to put it. Anyway, i have just been thinking back on that day 7 years ago and how much my life has changed since then and i wanted to say something about it.