A New Focus

The worst part about my miscarriage was seeing the baby's heartbeat in the first ultrasound, thinking everything was going really good then seeing the baby again in the ultrasound and not seeing the heartbeat. I could see that the baby had grown a little more because the arms and legs were longer. I thought it looked so cute! I just laid on the table crying because I knew I had lost my baby. Chris was with Austin out in the waiting room so that kinda sucked too.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't having a hard time dealing with this second miscarriage because I am. I am having a really hard time. My thoughts for the future were focused on August and all the things that I wanted to do before the baby arrived. Unfortunately though, I am forced to change my focus even though I don't want to. I still want to be getting ready for a new baby. The new baby that was supposed to arrive in August. I find myself still thinking of things I need and want to do. Then I stop and realize that I don't need to do any of them anymore. That makes me sad.

I am trying to focus on other things in the future. Austin will be 3 in less than 3 months so I will have a birthday party to plan. We are going to have a yard sale sometime this spring. Maybe we will plan a nice vacation to the beach this summer. We are going to take Austin to a really nice Aquarium museum this spring. I would say we could look forward to trying again for a baby but I am not there yet and probably won't be for a long while.